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Unextinguish’d laughter shakes the skies [entries|friends|calendar]

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[21 Jul 2010|09:36pm]
ohh internet. why do i have this urge to write personal things on here for god knows who to read.
im sick of crying. i just miss you. so so much.
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ahhurggg [25 Jan 2008|08:09pm]
does anyone ever get the feeling of extreme...anxiety? shakiness? crazed? for no fucking reason!
ok. i admit it
im a little bit drunk
but hardly
and i guess i ate really greasy food that didtn make me feel fine
but ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
i feel like ive snorted 10 lines of coke in a row
then did some speed
on top of being completely fUCKED!
i just need to calm down
lie down with a tranquill soul who will lend me their energy
thankgod for cat power
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[26 Dec 2007|11:39pm]
its funny when you realize that someone who you thought was your friend, just isnt. i guess its not so funny when you find out they dont care about you or value your feelings anymore. we are just two totally different people now, and our shared past wont change that. the more i think it it, though, the more im ok with it. i suppose i just dont agree with her way of telling me she doesnt want me in her life anymore.
she has become her mother.
and she has become cruel.
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maybe it's my sky thats shaking [11 Dec 2007|06:10pm]
[ mood | blah ]

sometimes, you know, shit just happens. some of it is your own fault, some of it isn't. this time it was totally my fault. me just missing an opportunity and watching it go by until it was so far away, i couldn't even see its' shadow. which is when i realized how much i wanted what had already been and gone.
fast forward to now and me still wanting the eternally un-available, the opportunity doesn't even want to talk to me. well thats a lie. the opportunity will talk to me only if its to blame me for something. i just want to tell him that i miss being around him. and im pretty sure he'll either:
a) tell me to piss off
b) accuse me of something else
c) laugh in my face (and succeed to spit on me in the process)

whatever shall i do

the answer is obvious

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[01 Dec 2007|02:32am]
is it weird for me to think what sex would be like after a 2 year-plus relationship
i couldn't even begin to think if it would still even be good.
i would hope to god it would be
i guess i should more hope to god that I will meet someone to share a two year relationship with-
maybe its those people that share something meaningful with someone else, who don't even stop to realize how rare and amazing what they have is. because there are people so unfortunate to feel not anything loving with another human being.
it might be my greatest fear.
growing old alone.
without another soul to share it with.
i could never do it alone.
i could never die alone.
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gaaaaaaaaaaaaak! [03 Nov 2007|01:02am]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

i don't want to be single if im gonna be living in vancouver for the winter
im want a guy who likes me for me
not a guy who likes me because i like/do nice things for him
i like to make people happy and feel comfortable..but at what point doesnt the person realize they SHOULD really reciprocate
like, wtf?!?!?!?
im breaking up with him tomorrow
ive been kidding myself into thinking we go well together
we go so UNWELL together!!
i hate saying things such as the following..but at this point in time it is oh so true:

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im so fucked up, con't [18 Oct 2007|06:13pm]
[ mood | cold ]

i hate it when other people make you realize how clueless you are. no one else has the right to make me feel like shit about my decisions, or lack there of.
how am i supposed to sort my life out when i have no idea where to start.
it feels like

my mind wanders
i am smart
my mind wanders
i am dumb
the more i think, the less i know

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--------- [14 Oct 2007|06:02pm]
i dont know what to dooooo
i think i might have done the wrong thing
this whole time..kidding myself
im so fucked up.
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thanks, i guess [12 Oct 2007|06:52pm]
the guy who i knew i should never have started things up with ended it.
he felt bad about the other guy...maybe he even felt as bad as me
regardless, he had the balls to end it

i know its for the best..but then why do i feel so shitty about it?
why do i feel so shitty about it all.
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urg! [30 Sep 2007|11:38pm]
[ mood | confused ]

how do i do this
something that i know i shouldnt do yet i do it anyways?
im in the worst situation and now im supposed to choose
but how do i choose when i like them both equally for different reasons?
im leading them both on hardcore, point a.
point b, im being pretty slutty in the process.

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[21 Sep 2007|09:25pm]
is it just me that thinks its somewhat rude to say you're going to hang out with a friend and then take hours without even calling for an update?
maybe its just vancouverites who don't value punctuality. or have the decency (that may be to harsh a word) to tell your friend if you will be late or simply not show up.
in my experience with foreign cultures and people, they seem to want to be on time and to show up at the pre-planned hour not even out of friendship, but out of respect.
or maybe im jsut expecting to much from friends' ive been friends with for god knows how long because they know we will still be friends after the confrontation that is inevitable.
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black forest pearl ♥ [19 Jun 2007|12:41pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

greetings from COLOGNE, germany!
robert(with a french accent) and i are sitting in this cafe waiting for our laundry to be done.
its hot outside.
im wearing a skirt(probably to short for day-time wear) and a tank top and im to HOT...as usual.
so far we´ve been to munich and freiburg.
munich was really pretty..heaps of greenary which im not used to after living in dreary england. in munich theres the biggest park in europe called english gardens complete with a river to swim in and..of course, 3 beer gardens. we went swimming in the river and seconds after we got wet it started to POUR so we made a mad dash to the nearest cover. before we found cover we saw these guys surfing on a huge wave in the river. it was only about 4 meters wide if that and the wave was problz 1 meter high...it was so cool theyd jump in on they´re boards and go back and forth..the coolest thing ive ever seen. well maybe thats a stretch.
after munich we took a train to freiburg which is a small town in the black forest (black forest cake, black forest ham, vineyards all around). it was really beautiful and the people were so friendly. in the market before we left we bough some apple and pear schnaaps for 6,50€...45 percent!! it was ridiculous. so robert and i drank the whole way to cologne and got succesfully pissed off hardly anything. fun as it was it made finding the hostel a bit more intresting..
cologne has the biggest catherdral in germany so were gonna check that out today along with a pop-art museum which should be cooooool.
thats all for me,
peaceee from the land of sausage

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oi i need to get out [11 Jun 2007|05:08am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

its five in the morning and ive tried ringing 2 of my friends and both of them arent picking up. werd thanks ladies. i love you to. xx
im going to germany in 2 days and i wont be back to the rain for months thank god.
the time ive been here has gone by so fast its ridiculous. it feels like ive been here for more than a year or something equaly long but no..i've been here for three months but goodness its gone by so fast.
and now that i know im leaving time has stopped.
the boy im sitting next to is a new acquaintance and friend. he does what derek does. hes a landscaper and hes working in less than three hours. exciting.
wooooooooot we are drinking. i worked tonight and it was aiight not to busy and NO wankers for maybe the first time ever
ok thats all for me
for the people who read this ~(which may be few) i will be updating much more often since i will need to tell people what im doing
i love you all
bec ♥

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i can feel it yo xx [05 Jun 2007|03:35am]
alright so im pretty confident that my real life friends dont even read this anymore so maybe ill just spit shit this whole entry,
or not
and be real.
this is teh first nigh tin soo long that i didnt get off my rocker and i can rememeber th WHOLE night,
maybe im drunk now but its cool
thats all i can muster
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..... [22 May 2007|05:30pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

i havent posted in a really long time. today is a very strange time for me to write as im stupidly hungover and cant really be fucked. but here ill do it anyways.
i cannot wait to get out of here. im going to munich on june 14th to travel with rob from uni. thats gonna be funny as since we are SO different.
all my friends here are going to cpyress for the summer. i almost wish i hadnt booked my fligth to meet rob otherwise i'd go with them. ive heard fantastic things about working and living there in teh summer and im very jealous even though il be traveling and not working. im gonna miss them. im gonna miss ally the most . and daniel second most.
i fucked up last night. im seeing daniel and i made out with 2 other boys last night. i drank way to much and made a dick of myself at teh staff party/. i feel bad about it. i havent seen him yet and i need to talk to him. im sorry.
sometimes i wonder why

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shorthairagain♥ [16 Apr 2007|04:23pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

i read a book recently called the nasty bits my ron bourbain..or was it don? hes a chef who has some tv show about travelling and eating foreign food...regardless, this is the introduction that may be the most attractive thing ive ever read.

"My pal A.A. Gill once suggested that the older he gets, and the more he travels, the less he knows. And i know what he means now. Seeing the planet as i'm seeing it, you are constatnly reminded of what you dont know-how much more there is to see and learn, how damn big and mysterious this world is. It's both frustrating and addicting, which only makes it harder when you visit, say, China for the first time, and realize how muhc more of it there is-and how little time you have to see it. It's added a frantic qualitly to my already absurd life, and an element of both desperation and resignation.
Travel changes you. As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, and leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life -and travel- leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks -on your body or on your heart- are beautiful. Often, thought, they hurt. When i look back on the last five years since i wrote the obnoxious, overtestostereoned memoir that transported me out of the kitchen and into a never-ending tunnel of pressurized cabins and airport lounges, it's a rush of fragments, all jostling for attention. Some good, some bad, some pleasurable -and all excrutiation to remember. [...]I've been writing this stuff for the same reasons behind my frenetic traveling: Because I can. Because there's so little time. Because there's been so much to see and remember. [...] It's an irritating reality that many places and events defy description. Angkor Wat and Machu Picchu, for instance, seem to demand silence, like a love affair you can never talk about. For a while after, you fumble for words, trying vainly to assemble a private narrative and explanation, a comfortable way to frame where you've been and what's happened. In the end, you're just happy you were there -with your eyes open- and lived to see it.

every time i read this, i swear, shivers go down my spine

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bleeding gumsss [13 Apr 2007|07:26pm]
[ mood | dirty ]

my hands are covered in burns and cuts
my finger nails are stuffed with debris
im covered in grease from head to toe
im stuck in a dungeon all day
aka the kitchen

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freezing cold indoors...♥ [03 Apr 2007|06:44pm]
[ mood | anxious ]

summer is coming up so quickly. in 2 months the weather should have heated up and the rain and wind will be gone for a while..at least. the time i've been over here has gone by so fast i can't even believe it. it's been seven months. jeeez.
i dont know what i want to do with my life
being over here isnt helping me figure it out its just some fun for a fewmonths. fuckkkkkkkk
how am i ever really gonna know what iw ant to do in uni if i havent TRIED doing it first. nursing, physio, doctor...it all sounds fine but seriously, its just the name of a profession. its like a secret club or something. i need to get a trial session into the club before uni to see if i want to join.
this was a rant.
i will stop now.
plus, i need to shave my legs.

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sum sum summmma [27 Mar 2007|12:20am]
[ mood | artistic ]



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walkabout fever [25 Mar 2007|04:12pm]
sometimes the music is so obnoxious i want to rip out the speakers
sometimes the chavs make me want to hurl
sometimes i'm about ready to throw my pastic pint glass at the begging customer
sometimes i hate this place.

but then sometimes, if i'm with the right mixture of people, i have so much fun i never want to leave.

last night wasnt a very good night. understaffed, overtired and ready to kick everyone out. we also got in trouble for someone selling a guiness (2.20£) for a one pound drink to a coworker, resulting in no after work drinks or pizza which is actually a blessing after such a long saturday night shift.

everyone is leaving. all the full timers are going except me. as of tonight two new guys are coming in (hopefully hotties) but other than that they are all leaving. i guess its ok..i mean a new crew, new friends, but the people who're here now are very cool and its a party.
we got trashed wednesday. off-my-face.
thursday was the worst day of my life.
was it worth it?
hahha. yep.

i really do love the heart
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